Me: Happy St. Patrick's Day. Thanks for agreeing to speak to me today. I sincerely appreciate it.
Leprechaun: My pleasure, really. I'm a huge fucking fan....
Me: Really? Thank you.... So I was wondering if leprechauns are into sex toys?
Leprechaun: Are you joking? Does it look like I get laid much? I mean seriously, when was the last time you saw a leprechaun with a hot chick?
Me: Have you tried e-harmony or something like that? I mean you seem nice-ish. I would take you out if you were gay.
Leprechaun: I tried e-harmony but they rejected me, the whores! I am not gay, so thanks, but no.
Me: E-harmony sucks anyway. Don't feel bad. What's your type?
Leprechaun: Oh, you know, an Irish girl would be nice... but I'm open. She just has to be a bit kinky. Someone who loves foot play and bar nuts would be perfect.
Me: So you have a foot fetish?
Leprechaun: Of coarse! Why do you think I work with shoes, the smell... idiot....
Me: You're a dirty little bastard aren't you?
Leprechaun: Little?!? I may be short, but I have HUGE feet if yer know 
what I mean.
Me: Great, so that's nice. Um. So let's talk about sex toys. What do you like?
Leprechaun: I like toys that I can rub on feet. Giving good foot is better than gold. There's nothing quite like it. My ex gave me a green iVibe Pocket Rocket. I use it all the time.
Me: You used to have a girlfriend?
Leprechaun: Yeah, I dumped her because I caught her with my brother. He had her entire foot in his mouth! My brother always gets the ladies. Fucking fame! Its the biggest turn on, huh?
Me: I didn't know your brother was famous.
Yeats: The bastard is a cereal box model. Slut.
Me: You sound a little drunk.
Leprechaun: Yeah, I am. I'm getting wasted with Collin Ferrell. He drags me along so he can look better. Sober Irish prick! Yeah I'm talking about you Collin, you want to do something about it! I'm not afraid of you!
Me: Well you sound busy.... I should let you go.
Leprechaun: If you hang up on me I'm going to hunt you down and --
Me:
