Hi. My name is Joe and I am a lube-aholic. When I am out of lube I get the shakes and have angry outbursts toward my loved ones. To the outside world I am a functional lube-aholic. I can hold a job and most of my friends don't know about my problem. I am sneaky and can hide my addiction fairly well. When visitors come over I quickly conceal my lube behind my computer or in drawer. "What were you doing, Joe?" they'll ask. "Oh, nothing, just putting on some hand lotion. Would you like some?" My front is not perfect, though. I was once asked if I wanted to be in a documentary about addiction. I knew immediately it was the folks at A&E's Intervention, so I said, "NO! I'M NOT COMING WITH YOU. YOU CAN'T TAKE MY LUBE AWAY! NEVER!" And then I ran down a dark alley and sobbed while pouring lube over my hands.
Every addict has a brand of choice. Mine is Astroglide. Whenever I see the slick purple logo I think, "Oh yeah! That's the stuff. Gimme!" My heart pounds faster and my face turns flush. I can't stop myself from slathering it all over my body. Once I was caught with Astroglide completely covering my body like an alien creature emerging from his cocoon. My friend shouted, "Enough is enough, already! Either you quit or I'm through." I started bawling. He came in for a hug but slipped and knocked himself out on the coffee table. I slithered away and never spoke to him again.
Nothing will ever come between me and my Astroglide. Just try and stop me A&E. I dare you. Sphere: Related Content
